godddd

haha whaaaaaat the fuck was I thinking. Overz it.




Work completely blows now. We got a new store manager who was a god damn drill sargent in the army for 5 years and she already hates me more than anyone haha yessss. No more shifts for me! Anyone know whos hiring? Oh right, no one is.

Fuck

Going to Raleigh tomorrrrowww. Excited about the show but super excited about cookout and Sawanna being there. I hate shows without her haha no one else is fun to go with. Probably staying the night at Lo's house after.

I think I wanna be minnie mouse for halloween haha what?

oh.

It's 5:33 am and I've been laying here over an hour just thinking about shit. The same thing happened to me last night, I don't know what's going on. I don't even want to be thinking about the things I'm thinking about. I'm worrying about something that shouldn't matter to me in the least bit but it does and I hate it. I just hate liars. If you lie about the wrong thing it'll make me crazy really. I stress way to hard and think into things way to much. I refuse to let the past repeat itself so I guess I should just stop now.


I just wish I could fall asleep. But I'm uncomfortably cold, too cold to get out of bed and turn my fan off. And a cigarette would be awesome right about now but I'm scared to go outside at night by myself and it's like 30 something degrees... tooo bad I'm not allowed to smoke in the house.

Sav says

I need an update.

So 5 minutes before Savannah and Whitney were leaving to go back to Richmond my genius ass remembered I had no work and she'd be back the following weekend sooo I went back with them to stay the week. Coldest week of my life. Wasn't prepared for it nor was I too stoked on it. It was an ok trip, not to much going on during the week and a couple things happened that bummed me out. But I did get to see have heart, ceremony, and blacklisted while I was there. A lot of the kids there seem so shitty and rude, a lot different from shows at home. Surprisingly enough I was happy to get back here and be with all my friends. We came home Thursday since it was my birthday, I spent most of it in the car but the end of it turned out good. 19 is a retarded age.

We went to haunted houses last night which ruled but decided against going to the fair in raleigh tonight... shitty weather and no money. A bunch of people are coming over tonight instead, should be a good time. Going to richmond again this weekend, the day after halloween. Hopefully this time will be a little better but I'm not giving my hopes up.

I'm finally getting back to my old self again. Don't care what anyone says. As bored as I am I'm getting happier everyday. I know I made the right decision for myself. I love being carefree and only worrying about how I feel about the situations I put myself in. I'm not strong enough to constantly being worrying about another person when a lot of times I suck at taking care of myself.

I'm working at luckys tonight and finally have a shift at f21 tomorrow cause fuck it sucks sitting at home by yourself all day when there's money that needs to be made.
Sav and Whitney are on their way to Wilmington. Is it weird that I am at home but the only time I really feel like I am is when she is too? I'm always in a room full of friends but always feel like I'm surrounded by complete strangers. hmp.

Need to find a halloween costume and a haunted house to go to asap.

haha

can't trust anyone anymore. shitty ass people. fuck you.

Shitty

Fuck corporate companies. I don't see how they expect to keep employees if they don't give you enough hours to work. I've been at my job for over 2 years now and just because business is slow right now they want to cut everyone's hours until sales get back up. Sorry but working one day a week isn't paying my fucking rent. A second job is defiantly needed but no one is hiring since the economy is sucking so hard.

A lot has gone wrong this month when it was suppose to be one of the only months of the year that goes right. It can always get better though. My birthday is in 9 days, Savannah will be here this weekend and the next, were all going to the state fair in raleigh for my birthday, halloween, then I'll be in Richmond for Savannahs birthday. I haven't given up completely.

My dog, Precious that I've had since I was 5 died Saturday night. It broke my heart. She really wasn't doing good though. She was born blind in one eye then went blind in the other and became deaf about 3 years ago. She has addisions disease and a bunch of other shit wrong with her. My parents spent mass amounts of money on meds to keep her alive and comfortable but I guess it got to be too much for her to handle :(

Misss my baby, rip.

someone, anyone

take over my lease so I can get the fuck out of here and into Richmond, Virginia.

recap

I knew I'd forget all about this thing. But I'm sure no one reads it anyways so it's cool.
Last 3 weeks= shit. So much stress. So much crying. SO much arguing. It's really starting to put a damper on absolutely everything. Hopefully this isn't going to last forever.

I quit one of my jobs for a lot of reasons but it sucks having to find a new one. I'm so low on cash right now. I probably shouldn't have gone to that nfg show in greensboro last week but it was worth it. I've been asleep most of today to get my mind off things but hopefully tomorrow will be better. Today is Dans birthday and I've been eating his fun fetti cupcakes alllll day. Love em.
Sav will be here this weekend which rules. As well as my birthday being in 18 days and carving pumpkins soon hah. Love this month.