Love lost.

The past week has been so stressful on me. Ending something you've had for 2 years really is as hard as I expected it to be. Talking to one person everyday, numerous times a day since you were 16 years old to not really talking at all.. sucks. But I needed this break. I wasn't happy and haven't been for a while I guess I finally realized I have to make myself happy before I can anyone else.

I need to get serious about my school cause I know I won't moving anywhere if I don't start doing what I know I need to do. It just sucks feeling like you're being forced to grow up so fast when you still have so many things to do. If I did my school like I'm supposed to I can become a licensed vet tech in two years.. but really? I'm only 18.. I'm not ready to be 20 and already have a career. Theres so much I haven't done and so much fun I haven't had I just wish my parents understood that.

I'm just ready for next month to get here. So many good things coming my way... I hope.

And it's been cold all week long! I'm out of my porch in a hoodie right now, this is the best feeling in the world.

Irritating

Today is retarded. Everyone is getting on my nerves and it's getting real old seeing the same people everyday. I want to go to Richmond so bad this weekend but the old hag I work with I KNOW will not take my Saturday shift for me. Plus I'm low on money so I guess it's out of the question.

I got my blackberry today. It rules. So glad I finally got rid of my sidekick. This blog it so pointless for me to have because nothing exciting ever happens in my life ha.

uh huh

My mind has been racing these last few days about absolutley everything! I'm so confused about so much and I feel like I KNOW the one thing that could fix all my problems but I have to wait so long for it to happen. I hate feeling helpless and like nothing but this one thing is going to make me happy, when in reality I have no idea, it could really fucking suck. Swear to god i'm going crazy.

Mumble

Back at my parents house for the night. My dad is in St. Thomas for work and mom has stuff to do real early in the a.m so I am staying the night so there will be someone here to feed my grandma in the morning lawlz.

Got my arm finished a few hours ago, I wish it wasn't so damn painful.. I am really happy with it though, ready to start another!

It was brought up last night that Michaels girlfriend should just move in with us and pay rent cause she's basically lived there for free recently. Doesn't bother me, she's a big help with Kajsa and other things whenever Madd and I aren't home. But 4 people living in that small apartment is wack.

The bad thing about being back at home is my house is always pitch black and I'm to scared to go outside at night by myself, which means no nicotine until in the morning....... SUCK.

Unmotivated.

This is the first Tuesday I've had off in months. And after unsuccessfully shopping for phones all day with my mom I'm back at my parents house in hopes of getting some or any of my school work done. Unmotivated and lazy are the words that best describe myself. Online school is awesome compared to the bullshit classes that I wasted so much gas going too. Having no one to make me do it is going to be my downfall. But I guess this is where responsibility and priorities are suppose kick in.

My want and need for leaving this place gets worse everyday. My mom already said Richmond is a go for next year but I guess it depends on Sav and her boyfriend. I hate feeling like I'm just following her around instead of going somewhere on my own but who the hell really wants to move far away all by themselves? Plus I love it there. Nothing at all like home and I felt like a little kid seeing things for the first time in my life. The river there completely blew my mind as well as the SPCA haha.

But enough complaining; I'm finally getting my arm finished tomorrow. I sure have wasted enough time and money on it. I'm letting him do what he wants to it so hopefully the outcome doesn't suck too hard.

And it blows feeling like you miss someone so much more than they do you but I guess
that's life. I'm out of ciggarettes.

One.

Only cause reading others made me what to do it and I seem to have more spare time than ever before.
I never could keep my livejournal & xangas going for long and I'm sure this won't be any different.



I can only assume some people would kill for the amount of spare time I have but I guess it's just another thing I take for granted. I've never in my life felt as alone as I do now and all this spare time isn't helping a bit. I'll never know why I always expect so much out of everything in life but it's never as good as I thought it was going to be. I thought moving out and living by my own rules instead of my parents would be the greatest thing in the world but it really isn't. Being an only child has it's lonely times but at least when I was at home I was with people that I knew cared for me and the way I felt. And now it's an apartment that people like to walk into whenever they please, disrespect everything that's inside if it, and take whats not theirs just because "were friends". We're really not though... I have no real friends left in this town, just people I put up with because their always there. The one real constant person I've had in my life is gone, making a life for herself somewhere else and I got left behind because I can't do anything for myself.

For the hundredth night in a row I'm all alone in my cold apartment with our dog, that's probably just as miserable as I am. Somethings gotta give.