Happy girl.

I have never been this happy consistently in so long. At this very moment I have my boyfriend asleep beside me, Jagger and Elephant the two new kitties Maggie and I adopted sleeping at my feet and 7 or 8 of my good friends in my living room. I wish I could live like this forever, but nothing lasts forever.

Robby got me a job with him which rules, I just wish I got more hours. Only have one more test to take with my school stuff before I can get a new shipment. My parents aren't on my back nearly as much as they were and Savannah might be moving back home at the end of the semester! Danny, Dan and Allens lease is up at the end February which sucks so hard but we had the idea of finding like a 6 bedroom duplex, ending our lease early and all moving in together... but that is almost to perfect to actually work out but we shall see.

I'm ready for March to get here. Warmer weather, I assume everyones spring break is somewhere around that time, going to Ohio with CJ for him and his brothers fights and UBF again.. more excited to be back in Richmond than the actual show.
But kitties are hungry and siege is awake.. l8r!

This isn't

getting easier. Why do I have access to shit I don't want to have access too. I don't want to know anything about you.

Recap.. or something.

2008 has brought more changes for me than the past few years. Both good and bad I suppose, change scares the shit out of me but I've dealt pretty well.

The biggest change for me is no longer being with Josh, since I have been for the past 3.
Moved out of my parents house and am having the time of my life.
Quit forever21 after working there for 3 years.
My best friend moved to another state.
Precious died :(
Decided not to go back to cape fear, and do online school; huge fail.
Adopted a new dog and a new cat.
Am dating someone I NEVER thought I'd be with and am falling in love for the 2nd time.
Started smoking again.
Wrecked the shit out of someone elses car.
Fell in love with the city of Richmond and constantly wanted to be there.
First time ever in my life being out of school and jobless.
Got back on my depression medication.
Fixed some friendships but still hated on certains harder than ever.
Spent a lot of time AWAY from Wilmington.
In debt more than ever before, but makin it work!


09 has already been good to me, need it to last <3

I don't

keep up with this thing as much as I had hoped, mainly because I never have time to myself anymore but I'm not complaining because being alone now for the first time in really over a month is depressing to me. I've thought about a lot a lot a lot all last night and all day today, thinking is overrated, thinking just upsets me.

I wish I could make myself happy along with everyone else. I can't make my own decisions anymore without knowing it's going to piss someone off or have someone disagree with it. Funny how it's always the people closest to me that usually have a problem with my decisions when I thought they were suppose to be the ones backing me up.

I don't really care what people think about me and CJ. He's made me happier in a month than Josh ever could in almost 3 years. I've never had a boy treat me like I was actually worth something and made me feel like I'm doing just as much for him in return. He's basically lived with me for a month now and I don't go more than 2 days with out seeing him, I don't get attached very easily but it's stupid how much I miss him when I'm not with him. I hope this lasts, but we shall see. Josh is out of my life for good. I have a lot more hate for him than I knew. What a waste of time, what a waste of life. I am a god damn idiot.

For now..

I'm happy; I guess well see how long this lasts.

If you were wondering..

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I have to say is goodbye
Were better off this way

.

I've realized how much I hate sleeping alone..