All morning I've been trying to listen to songs I loved like 3 years ago and I can't get through any of them because all they do is remind me of you. Every single one. WHY.
Sing me something soft, sad and delicate
Or loud and out of key, sing me anything
Were glad for what we've got, done with what we lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
It's werid
At this point in my life, right now, I'm pretty content and happy with the way things are going. I guess I needed to stop caring about everything a long time ago. I don't sweat the small things or let much of anything get to me. I know that's not normal but for right now it's working.
I almost hate being happy just because people close to me are going through hard times and I don't want to I guess you could say 'rub it in their face'.
I'm just focusing too much on trying to make myself happy that I'm not getting shit done that I need too, like school. If I don't start doing it my parents are gonna make me move home and then all these fun times will be short lived. I miss Sav all the time. I hate the phone being the only way to talk to the one person I talk to everything about. I really took it for granted when she lived 5 minutes away from me.
Going to luckys tonight for klu. Not the mongoloids. The mongoloids suck. It should be fun, I know a lot of people are going and I havent been to a show here in a while, espically a good one. Then I suppose people are coming back over here like always. I love it cause I never have to spend gas my friends just come to me :)
I almost hate being happy just because people close to me are going through hard times and I don't want to I guess you could say 'rub it in their face'.
I'm just focusing too much on trying to make myself happy that I'm not getting shit done that I need too, like school. If I don't start doing it my parents are gonna make me move home and then all these fun times will be short lived. I miss Sav all the time. I hate the phone being the only way to talk to the one person I talk to everything about. I really took it for granted when she lived 5 minutes away from me.
Going to luckys tonight for klu. Not the mongoloids. The mongoloids suck. It should be fun, I know a lot of people are going and I havent been to a show here in a while, espically a good one. Then I suppose people are coming back over here like always. I love it cause I never have to spend gas my friends just come to me :)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
rock bottom.
Instead of people telling me things will get better, I wish they'd just tell me when.
When I'm struggling with money more than I ever have before my carelessness would bring me down even more. Drove Josh's [new] car to Richmond this past week cause he needed to use my jeep for moving shit and his car is way better on gas. I probably should have just went home when I drove a hundred and fifty fucking miles out of my way because I have no common sense but no. I wanted to be in Richmond I wanted to be there for my best friends birthday as she was there for mine. But fuck North Carolina for not having one way streets for me to learn to drive on because Richmond is full of them, and apparently some of them have stop signs. And while I am aware you are suppose to stop at a stop sign I guess one just creeped up on me and I just creeped into an intersection of on coming dump trucks. Long story short: got clipped on the back end, spun out like 5 times, the 3 assholes that clipped me went to the hospital for no reason, me, Whitney and Matt almost get mutilated by a huge truck, I'm now paying more on my insurance Joshs insurance and buying him a new car.. all because I ran a stop sign.
Completely ruined my mood for the h2o show ha but I went anyways. My roommate had to drive half way to Virginia to bring me home and Joshs car is still up there.. somewhere. Guess I won't be back there for a while or anywhere but here on account of being broke as shit. And I suppose my birthday money is no longer going towards my tattoo. My parents were even going to make me move out of my apartment and move back home which honestly is the best thing and probably what I should do but I can't leave here. As much as I hate it I love it even more. So their making me get back on my crazy medication instead, which as this point might be a good thing.
When I'm struggling with money more than I ever have before my carelessness would bring me down even more. Drove Josh's [new] car to Richmond this past week cause he needed to use my jeep for moving shit and his car is way better on gas. I probably should have just went home when I drove a hundred and fifty fucking miles out of my way because I have no common sense but no. I wanted to be in Richmond I wanted to be there for my best friends birthday as she was there for mine. But fuck North Carolina for not having one way streets for me to learn to drive on because Richmond is full of them, and apparently some of them have stop signs. And while I am aware you are suppose to stop at a stop sign I guess one just creeped up on me and I just creeped into an intersection of on coming dump trucks. Long story short: got clipped on the back end, spun out like 5 times, the 3 assholes that clipped me went to the hospital for no reason, me, Whitney and Matt almost get mutilated by a huge truck, I'm now paying more on my insurance Joshs insurance and buying him a new car.. all because I ran a stop sign.
Completely ruined my mood for the h2o show ha but I went anyways. My roommate had to drive half way to Virginia to bring me home and Joshs car is still up there.. somewhere. Guess I won't be back there for a while or anywhere but here on account of being broke as shit. And I suppose my birthday money is no longer going towards my tattoo. My parents were even going to make me move out of my apartment and move back home which honestly is the best thing and probably what I should do but I can't leave here. As much as I hate it I love it even more. So their making me get back on my crazy medication instead, which as this point might be a good thing.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
godddd
haha whaaaaaat the fuck was I thinking. Overz it.
Work completely blows now. We got a new store manager who was a god damn drill sargent in the army for 5 years and she already hates me more than anyone haha yessss. No more shifts for me! Anyone know whos hiring? Oh right, no one is.
Fuck
Going to Raleigh tomorrrrowww. Excited about the show but super excited about cookout and Sawanna being there. I hate shows without her haha no one else is fun to go with. Probably staying the night at Lo's house after.
I think I wanna be minnie mouse for halloween haha what?
Work completely blows now. We got a new store manager who was a god damn drill sargent in the army for 5 years and she already hates me more than anyone haha yessss. No more shifts for me! Anyone know whos hiring? Oh right, no one is.
Fuck
Going to Raleigh tomorrrrowww. Excited about the show but super excited about cookout and Sawanna being there. I hate shows without her haha no one else is fun to go with. Probably staying the night at Lo's house after.
I think I wanna be minnie mouse for halloween haha what?
oh.
It's 5:33 am and I've been laying here over an hour just thinking about shit. The same thing happened to me last night, I don't know what's going on. I don't even want to be thinking about the things I'm thinking about. I'm worrying about something that shouldn't matter to me in the least bit but it does and I hate it. I just hate liars. If you lie about the wrong thing it'll make me crazy really. I stress way to hard and think into things way to much. I refuse to let the past repeat itself so I guess I should just stop now.
I just wish I could fall asleep. But I'm uncomfortably cold, too cold to get out of bed and turn my fan off. And a cigarette would be awesome right about now but I'm scared to go outside at night by myself and it's like 30 something degrees... tooo bad I'm not allowed to smoke in the house.
I just wish I could fall asleep. But I'm uncomfortably cold, too cold to get out of bed and turn my fan off. And a cigarette would be awesome right about now but I'm scared to go outside at night by myself and it's like 30 something degrees... tooo bad I'm not allowed to smoke in the house.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sav says
I need an update.
So 5 minutes before Savannah and Whitney were leaving to go back to Richmond my genius ass remembered I had no work and she'd be back the following weekend sooo I went back with them to stay the week. Coldest week of my life. Wasn't prepared for it nor was I too stoked on it. It was an ok trip, not to much going on during the week and a couple things happened that bummed me out. But I did get to see have heart, ceremony, and blacklisted while I was there. A lot of the kids there seem so shitty and rude, a lot different from shows at home. Surprisingly enough I was happy to get back here and be with all my friends. We came home Thursday since it was my birthday, I spent most of it in the car but the end of it turned out good. 19 is a retarded age.
We went to haunted houses last night which ruled but decided against going to the fair in raleigh tonight... shitty weather and no money. A bunch of people are coming over tonight instead, should be a good time. Going to richmond again this weekend, the day after halloween. Hopefully this time will be a little better but I'm not giving my hopes up.
So 5 minutes before Savannah and Whitney were leaving to go back to Richmond my genius ass remembered I had no work and she'd be back the following weekend sooo I went back with them to stay the week. Coldest week of my life. Wasn't prepared for it nor was I too stoked on it. It was an ok trip, not to much going on during the week and a couple things happened that bummed me out. But I did get to see have heart, ceremony, and blacklisted while I was there. A lot of the kids there seem so shitty and rude, a lot different from shows at home. Surprisingly enough I was happy to get back here and be with all my friends. We came home Thursday since it was my birthday, I spent most of it in the car but the end of it turned out good. 19 is a retarded age.
We went to haunted houses last night which ruled but decided against going to the fair in raleigh tonight... shitty weather and no money. A bunch of people are coming over tonight instead, should be a good time. Going to richmond again this weekend, the day after halloween. Hopefully this time will be a little better but I'm not giving my hopes up.
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